I started with that particular line for two reasons -- primarily, I can't bring myself to start with "I'm struggling" even one more time. And secondly, perhaps more importantly, I have discovered a problem that HP can't fix and suggesting that Wizardmania can fix most anything, but not this, is really indicative of how I'm feeling and what I'm facing. 

Let's see, how can I explain myself? Oh yes!

You know when you see a super insane, borderline magical project on Pinterest and you just instantly fall in love? Oh, I'll just quickly pin that, you say to yourself. 

But this is no ordinary pin. No, no. This is not a pin that goes to live amongst similar well photographed projects on a cleverly named board that is otherwise never revisited again. This one is different. You come back and you click on the link and cheerfully read the instructions. Beautiful pictures accompany this pin and a really well organized list of ingredients/tools/supplies does as well. What an anomaly! Now this pin is really majestic -- YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT!

Because it's so easy! Of course. 

You go to the store and with the most ridiculous joy, you purchase the necessities, carefully choosing colors and maybe a cheaper substitute or two. PS - you'll regret your bargain hunter ways, but we'll get to that. 

You go home. There's some pep in your step -- oh hell, there's a lot of pep in your step, maybe even a skip or two -- as you enter your house, oh place of masterful Pinterest creation. This is your workshop! 

You prop open your ipad and read the instructions again. Girl, you got this. 

Here's the thing, though, you don't. Nobody ever does. Pinterest is a fabrication. A LIE! Things go downhill fast. Really fast. 

The paint won't adhere and your glue gun is broken. And for the love of God, I thought I could paint a tree no problem. Who knew your scissors were dull!? Is that even possible? Why did you buy the cheap glitter glue? It specifically said Martha Stewart Brand, but you cheaped out. Is that why this whole project sucks? No, it sucks because you suck. WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE SOMETHING IS BURNING IN HERE?

But o-ho no, you're not giving up! You put twelve dollars and a trip across town into this. Oh and all of your life dreams. And sense of self-worth. 

And for all that work, what do you get? Concisely? Something that looks like the deposit left by a toddler after they ate entire 64-count box of crayons. You know exactly what I'm saying. 

Defeated. That's how I feel. Totally drained, exhausted, unmotivated, and totally, totally, totally defeated.

And while technicolor poop sounds interesting, poop is still poop, no matter how you look at it.  

And if you're bored, I encourage you to google "technicolor poop." Trust me, you'll laugh forever. 

I'm behind in my Bible reading, which indicates that I'm failing at my new years resolution, already. I'm still dreaming like a freak and actually kind of transitioning into routine nightmares. I'm feeling some intense pressure with something I can't talk about online. I'm not trying to be mysterious -- I really can't say anything just yet, but it's testing my patience and making me feel just beyond defeated. 

There it is and that is all. I feel defeated. 

I'm forced to pacify myself with Dog Shaming. It's the only thing that makes me feel better.