July 23, 2018
So, great news. I achieved the last great mistake of my 20's with a bottle of pink hair dye and twenty minutes. That's actually a pretty hopeful suggestion though, because I still have all day tomorrow to toss the dice and fuck up a few more times before closing the lid on this decade.
You guys, I spent spent way too much time casually googling things like "blush hair" and "Kristin Ess Rose Gold Tint" -- which you should do, because you'll see the cotton candy shades I was seeing and trust me, you'll get it. I was thinking this would be all like when Steve Martin had a brief life crisis in Father of the Bride II and dyed his hair black and felt like a new person indeed. I forgot that he looked like a dork and his wife laughed at him.
Spoiler alert: my hair did not turn out like the pictures on Google, and really I'm pretty sure it was just the universe telling me:
- Chick, you are too old for pink hair. You were too old for pink hair five years ago.
- Also, you have a job with fairly general expectations of professionalism.
- And didn't you learn this lesson circa 2010? You 👏 cannot 👏 be 👏 trusted 👏 with 👏 hair dye!
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