I've been a dog mom for roughly six years, and along the way, I've learned some pretty valuable commandments.

Primarily:

- Thou shalt not take for granted an obedient dog.
- Thou shalt appreciate a dog who has only two focuses, loving you and food.
- Thou shalt recognize when a dog is telling you he needs to go out.
- Thou shalt give a dog a person name, because it's funnier that way.

What I am suggesting is, if you have a dog like my Ralph, give him more love than your next breath of oxygen because that little dude will bring you more joy than a funnel cake.

Ralph is entirely devoted to me and lives his life, ever hopeful for the next treat. And for what it's worth, he's a premium example of what it means to remain optimistic.  Case in point:

I'm pretty opposed to giving my dogs people food. I don't like to do it, I don't like when other people give my dogs human food -- I just don't like it. For a lot of reasons. However, that said, Ralph just never stops dreaming. He never stops wishing. He never stops believing that today....TODAY...might be the day that I drop that philosophy like a bad habit and throw a bologna sandwich his way.

How's that for positivity? That hardy little dude is 12 years old and he has not given up the dream yet. Chasin' his goals hard, and I think I, for one, could learn from that.

Now, my other dog, Jack, has taught me a few things, too. In the last week, for instance, I've learned that if human toddlers offer up the "terrible twos" then dogs also enter into what I shall call the "formidable fours."

"Formidable" because unfortunately none of the following adjectives -- awful, crazy, stress-inducing and if-you've-ever-wanted-a-naughty-lhasa apso-i've-got-one-for-sale-for-free -- start with "F." But I can think of one word that does and it's entirely appropriate within the situation.

I love Jack, but he's been a nightmare in the Formidable Fours this week.

Let's start with Sunday when Jackers broke my fence and ran away. In an unbelievable miracle, I happened to be standing at the window when I noticed that it kind of looked like he was on the wrong side of the fence. Ralph, my good dog, was barking himself sick, staring at the hole where Jack, my naughty dog, had escaped from.

Jack then proceeded to cross Munson Ave. which is like, the highway here. Somehow he crossed five lanes of busy traffic totally unscathed. I wept like Jesus in Gethsemane because I thought for sure he was going to die and while he managed to just zip across, I had to wait 10 minutes to safely chase him. Furthermore, I was wearing a bathrobe and socks. I was basically Ms. Frizzle with blond hair and less creativity.

Anyway, anti-climatic. I caught him, marched his punk ass home, and took an aspirin because I was concerned my heart was having an attack. Ba-boom times a million/second.

Then on Tuesday, Jack climbed into the dog food bag and managed to get stuck. I have no idea how long he was in there, but when I finally noticed that he was, again, missing, all I found of him was his fluffy little back feet hanging out of the top of the bag. He was doing the handstand buffet, and I promise you, he was lovin' it. I wish I had a picture, because it was kind of funny. When I pulled him out, I assure you, I have never seen a more cheerful dog. He proceeded to burp all night long and drink approximately 29743294 gallons of water.

If Jack were a human or capable of having pups of his own someday, I would tell him what my mother always told me: I hope your kids are just like you. Except I would add "you naughty little shit" at the end.



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Anyway --

We had a great weekend. Ryan's family visited us for a couple of days and there was a lot of good food, some good drinks and some good chatter.

And the weather participated nicely:

You guys, we live here.





























Happy weekending!

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As a totally unrelated side-note -- today I posted my 200th post, and reached 15,000 views. Wa-hoo!