So September is officially the fastest month of my life. In my past life, I would be all kinds of pumpkin spice latte-ing and swatching my fall nail polish colors. Now I'm just trying to find a sweatshirt that fits and doesn't have barf on it. Two quick things I learned this month:

• The newborn phase is a haze of eat when you can, shower when you can -- and the real question, do you really need to? -- and never ever again take for granted the use of both hands.
• And that the phrase "whoever said they sleep like a baby probably doesn't have one" is so real and so accurate. I will never again use that phrase unless I mean you woke up seventeen times, were a little fussy, and needed some milk to fall back to sleep.

PS- he was still Duke Ryan when I made this board, pre-delivery.

It's been a wild month over here. And I can't believe my baby is already almost two weeks old. I have a feeling this is how the entire rest of my life is going to go though -- wondering how my baby got so old every day.

Anyway, we have established a bit of a routine over here, which I acknowledge is pretty damn fragile. Because it's ultimately based on how the baby sleeps and some days, he knocks my socks off. Other days, he knocks me off my rocker.

Funny story, and a true story: my doctor expressly told me that I could drink up to (2) cups of regular coffee. He gave me some numerical half life value of caffeine and I rolled with it because A.) it's convenient and B.) hello - he's smarter than me. And I took that to mean any old time and proceeded to put down a cup at about 6pm. Then I fed the baby, made some pumpkin bread, cleaned the kitchen and played some Johnny Cash, all the while reminding Ryan what a good housewife I could make.

I fed the baby you guys. FED the baby. He indulged in that nighttime caffeine and I swear to you, no joke, proceeded to "sleep" in 10 minute increments all night long. I had a several come-to-Jesus moments that night.

That said, on a normal, decaffeinated night, he'll sleep pretty decently. Wakes up around midnight, 2am and then not until 6am. If he goes back to sleep, I'll go downstairs, drink some decaf (!), clean up the kitchen and start my day. If he stays awake, I'll take him with me and do the same thing, except with one hand.



The dogs add another fun ingredient to the dynamic. This is my circus and those are my monkeys, you know? Everyone's cool with the baby, but George is really really really interested in him. Ralph doesn't even know we brought someone home, Jack doesn't really care, but George -- he's all up in the baby's face 100% of the day. The circus part comes in because I actually have to care for these monkeys and they kind of require some attention. Attention so they don't run away or poop in the crazy neighbors yard. So they don't eat food off the kitchen stove, or lick Duke's face off (you know who I mean). Ralph hopped right in the river a few days ago and started to float away. I mean, the party just never slows down.



Anyway, let's go for a quick round of other fun facts to wrap this up:

• I'm breastfeeding and so far, so good. I really prepared myself for it to be difficult because I read a lot about it before Duke was born and it can be tougher than you'd think. I got really lucky with this one and so far, it's been easy. It's a trade -- remember the nausea I had for the first trimester? This is what I get in return. 
• The only downside to breastfeeding is when Duke starts to flip out and needs to eat right.effing.now -- in the middle of Target. After I delivered, I thought I had no shame or dignity left, but I do actually, and the line is drawn at pulling off my shirt in public. I'm still trying to navigate this "plan accordingly" part of being a mom. 
• I decided to start reading to Dukers right away because he seems to like the sound of my voice (really!) and I want him to have a badass vocabulary starting immediately. It's hilarious when kids use big words and I like to laugh a lot + I want him to be smart. Anyway, here's my dilemna -- do I start with the Harry Potter series because I want him to have an inherent knowledge of it -- or do I skip it because I don't want to steal the joy of discovering it when he's 12-ish?
• I've lost a quick 25lbs - hallelujah! Now 25 more to go. 
• My hormones are still out of control. Last night, Ry and I watched Of Mice and Men and (spoiler alert, I guess, if you never cliff-noted this in high school) -- when Candy's dog gets put down, I cried harder than Duke when he's starving at 2am. Could not control the tears.