Yesterday, I read this article about women, and the individual comprehension of knowing when it was the right time to have a baby. I thought it was so interesting, because women all have different stories that ultimately end the same way: in motherhood. And of all the various desires that led to bearing a child, I found myself falling into one category -- I didn't know it was the right time, but I didn't necessarily think it wasn't the right time. So, it just sort of happened.
Anyway, the article got me thinking about how much I've really only been considering how much being a parent is going to change me. And I had this epiphany -- Ryan's life is going to change so much more than mine will. And I don't know why I hadn't considered that, like, at all. I mean, being a mother will change me, but ultimately after 12-ish weeks, I will go back to my 9-5 life. I'll go to work in the morning, and come home in the afternoon, and in the remaining hours of the day, I'll be a mom. So I probably won't Candy Crush it so much while watching Jimmy Fallon and lazily eating dinner on the couch. Trust me, I recognize that I'm oversimplifying dramatically, but my point is that for eight hours a day, and a large majority of the time that I am awake, I will return to exactly what I'm doing now: an office with adults and no babies.
Ryan, on the other hand, is about to be a dad for every minute of those eight hours + the entire rest of the day. And I have not, for one single second, considered how much more things will change about his day. How many more diapers he will change, bottles he will warm up, and cars he will test drive with a baby in the backseat.
I sometimes wonder if I'm going to have mom-guilt driven by a desire to have a career and an equal desire to be a rockstar mom. I wonder if I'll be jealous and resent the time that Ryan will get to spend with the baby. I wonder if it'll all be fine and our life will fall into a new balance and everything will just work out. Working mom friends -- any advice? I'm talking to you KJ and Stephy.
I don't have a conclusion to this wonder, because obviously at this point it's all hypothetical, but I know that everything can and often does become habituated.
Alright, now let's rein it back in, because obviously I like to to think about me.
How far along? 27 Weeks
Total weight gain: Last time I measured, I was hovering right around 30lbs, give or take ice cream for dinner the night before.
Maternity clothes? All day, every day. You know what nobody tells you? You'll outgrow your underwear. I mean, obviously, but does anyone tell you that? I knew I'd have to buy maternity jeans, and shirts and all the other whatnot, but underwear? Yeah, that's not in any of the books.
Stretch marks? Miraculously, no. I'm really focused on staying crazy hydrated and smearing that coconut oil on my skin, and I don't know if it's actually working or just the placebo effect, but I'm rolling with it.
Sleep: Just give me more of it.
Best moment this week: I discovered that I can hear the baby's heartbeat with a stethoscope, and it is stupid how happy it makes me to hear that thump-thump every night.
Miss Anything? I officially sound like an alcoholic for bringing it up three weeks in a row, but I could seriously go for a patio + a drink.
Movement: I think things are getting tight in there, because I feel a lot more kicks and swishes than usual. I think I can even feel when he just turns over. And his kicks are getting strong, like he can take my breath away.
Food cravings: None really. I eat like normal and don't really crave anything specifically. I have noticed though, that I can't eat very much without feeling really full and like my intestines are in my lungs, which is a feeling the opposite of delightful. A couple of days ago, I was in a meeting after eating a quick breakfast -- I was literally like, laying in my chair trying to breathe.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Yes, my life. In all seriousness, I've had a return of nausea lately. It's sporadic and short lived, but 100% unwelcome.
Labor Signs: No signs, but I am thinking forward to the actual labor a little more. I'm not afraid of it, which makes me think I'm either ill-prepared or stupid. Or both. Not sure. I'm just going to wing it, I guess.
Symptoms: Tailbone pain that accounts for 75% of my suffering. Actually, I'm not complaining -- I feel very comfortable in this pregnancy, and a sore tailbone is the worst of it. Obviously in the grand scheme of things, it's not even that bad.
Belly Button in or out? You guys, it's out. You can see my belly button poking through my shirt, which is sort of weird. Like, is this inappropriate?
Wedding rings on or off? Still on most of the time, but off on humid days.
Happy or Moody most of the time: I'm a moody old cow.
Looking forward to: Kickstarting the third trimester because the countdown is ON.
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And a few things we're enjoying, because I swear we do things other than obsess about our fetus. And by we, I mean I, because Ryan is normal and doesn't obsess.
We brought Georgie to Northport today and introduced him to water. And of course, he went bananas.
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